How Do I Love Thee? 7 Tips for Being Kinder to Yourself

March 15, 2024 Sandra Daniele

“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways”. Have you ever said this to yourself? Doubtful. We are often so consumed with loving others and focusing our attention on others that we forget to love ourselves. Not only do we dismiss loving ourselves, but often we aren’t even kind to ourselves. Self sabotage runs high, we find it easy to criticize ourselves and the voices in our head tell us we aren’t good enough, smart enough or pretty enough.

It’s time to change the narrative and start being kinder to the most important person in your life - YOU. What we often fail to realize is that turning our attention inward creates a greater outward experience. Let me explain, people will only treat us the way we expect to be treated. If we are always putting ourselves down or making unkind remarks to ourselves it seems normal when someone else is unkind to us.

News flash: not okay. We all deserve to be treated with kindness and compassion. When we are kind to ourselves, we allow others to be kind to us. When we treat ourselves with care and start counting the ways we love ourselves we become receptive to kind words from others. This becomes our new normal and we can accept compliments and kindness with a smile.

7 Tips for Being Kinder to Yourself

1. Turn Down The Noise

Negative comments are simply another person's self-projection and have nothing to do with you. Even your own self-degrading comments are not the truth. It's crucial to learn how to turn down the noise of negativity, both from others and from within, to truly be kind to yourself. Remember, you are not the negative voice in your head. Download Nix Negative Thinking for 6 easy steps to turn down the noise in your head.

2. Ask Yourself: 'What Are My Beliefs About Myself?'

Do you really believe all the negativity or has it become a habit to put yourself down? Stop and think where those ideas even came from, where did you hear the comments first. Self-reflection is a powerful tool for change. By acknowledging and challenging your negative self-beliefs, you can start to replace them with more positive, kinder thoughts. You can get curious about what makes you, uniquely you. Start with these 25 personal growth journal prompts found on the blog.

3. Push Aside Things That Don't Resonate

Is there any reason to believe something that isn't true or doesn't make any sense? Do these comments feel good or bad, are these thoughts right or wrong...what do your senses tell you? Learn to trust your intuition and push aside things that don’t resonate with your true self. This includes negative thoughts, beliefs, and even people who don’t contribute positively to your life. Maybe you find yourself stuck in a loop of self sabotage. This blog post is all about how to overcome self sabotage and thrive.

4. Trust Your Intuition

Trust your intuition. It's your inner compass guiding you towards what's best for you. It whispers to you about the things that are truly important to you and steers you away from what doesn't serve your wellbeing. Cultivating a strong connection with your intuition is a key step in being kinder to yourself.

5. Live Authentically

When you start living life on your own terms and let go of life "shoulds" you feel better, and you lighten the load of expectations. Living authentically is about being true to who you are at your core, without fear of judgment or criticism. It's about embracing your individuality and expressing yourself openly and honestly. This is one of the greatest acts of kindness you can show to yourself.

6. Go Deep, Do The Inner Work

Take inventory of people, places and things, remove what is not working for you and identify your internal saboteur. Inner work is about facing your fears, acknowledging your wounds, and healing your emotional pain. It's about taking responsibility for your life and making the necessary changes to create a life you love and deserve. This is not always an easy path, but it's a rewarding one that leads to true self-kindness and personal growth. Clients that have been willing to dive deep have experienced radical shifts in both their life and the way they interact with their partner, friends and family. Coaching provides a safe and confidential space to go deep and do the inner work.

Thank you again for helping me navigate such a difficult, and hopeful season in life. – Lisa

7. Make Positive Comments

For every negative comment or thought, replace it with two positive ones. This practice helps to shift your focus from negativity to positivity and reinforces your positive self-beliefs. Remember, your thoughts have power. By choosing to focus on the positive, you are choosing to be kinder to yourself. This free guide, Nix Negative Thinking was created to help you reframe your thinking and mindset. Learn to turn negative thinking into a positive narrative.

Conclusion: How Do I Love Thee?

How do you love thee? It takes time to change behavior and undue old patterns. Use these 7 tips for being kinder to yourself as a road map for a new way of thinking and showing up. Make being kinder to yourself a way to move closer to being able to count the ways you love thee. You are worthy of kindness, love and so much more. You can download of a summary of the 7 tips here. Post them on your bathroom mirror, take a photo and save it as a screen saver. Practice one tip a day or week. Use them in a way that makes a meaningful difference for you.