How Women Can Overcome Self-Sabotage and Thrive
You have a good idea. No, a great idea. You are motivated, excited and fired up to put your plan into action. You are going to grow your business, eat healthy, exercise more…it could be anything and it has you feeling giddy inside.
With great enthusiasm you embark on your new adventure and find that the first few days feel great. You have kept your energy up, you are making good choices and you are showing a consistency that feels totally aligned.
And then, BAM you hit a wall. The thoughts of doubt start to creep in. You miss a day at the gym. You eat the donut at work. Your posts on social media aren’t getting as much attention. You ask yourself, what the heck? Why can’t I stick to anything and the downward spiral starts. Chalk it up to another failed attempt at something important to you…can you relate?
I have traveled this road more times than I would like to admit. I have come to realize self-sabotage is at the root of all the times I have given up on myself. It was doubt that made me question if I deserved to feel good or to accomplish dreams that meant something to me. Was I really “allowed” to thrive in my personal life even without the approval of everyone around me? Yes, I am, you are, we all are. You are worthy of going after your desires and giving yourself permission to feel all the good feels.
Self-sabotage is something many of us encounter on our journey towards personal and professional success. It's a common human experience and a path many of us have traveled and stumbled upon. Let’s spend some time looking at how we can sometimes inadvertently hinder our own progress. Now before you decide that sounds like as much fun as watching nail polish dry, there is an exciting part. Once we recognize, address and tackle self-sabotage, we gain the power to take control of our lives, achieve our goals and tap into the joy we are all so deserving to experience.
Let's explore six common ways we might unknowingly hold ourselves back with self-sabotage and how to break free from these patterns. Where there is self-sabotage there is also a solution. Promise! Get ready to THRIVE.
Banishing negative self-talk.
One sneaky form of self-sabotage is negative self-talk. It's something we all deal with and it starts at such a young age we often don’t even recognize it as negative self-talk. It has just become the normal conversation that spins in our minds. Sounds something like this; you have no self-control, why am I even bothering, no one cares, what’s the point in trying. Those thoughts can really get in our way. When we're constantly criticizing ourselves, dwelling on past mistakes, and doubting our abilities, it can really put the brakes on our progress towards things that are important to us and our self-confidence.
Solution: Start cultivating self-compassion. This means practicing positive self-talk. Challenge those negative thoughts and replace them with empowering statements. And don't forget to remind yourself of your strengths and achievements, no matter how small they might seem. You might be interested in Nix Negative Thinking, 6 Easy Steps or learning how to create personalized affirmations to shift your mindset from seeing the negative to highlighting the positive.
Overcoming Perfectionism
Do you have a close relationship with perfectionism? Setting impossibly high standards for yourself without even realizing the best of the best would be hard pressed to accomplish what you have set out to achieve. Striving for excellence is awesome, but perfectionism can lead to constant stress, anxiety, and burnout. Is there really anything in life that is perfect?
Solution: What happens when you switch your focus from perfection to progress. Lean into and embrace the idea of "good enough." Recognize that making mistakes is part of growth and learning and provides valuable lessons along the way. Set achievable goals and don't forget to celebrate your accomplishments along the way. If I hadn’t fallen so many times I wouldn’t feel as grounded as I do today. The failing and faltering were part of the process to finding personal clarity.
Conquering Imposter Syndrome
Imposter syndrome is another common challenge that affects so many of us. Imposter syndrome is feeling like a “fraud”, “fake” or unqualified to do what you are setting out to do. It makes us doubt our abilities and think our successes are just flukes or due to things outside of us. You might chalk it up to “dumb luck”. This self-doubt can hold us back from starting a new project, pursuing our full potential, or just deciding to give up when we stumble.
Solution: First, acknowledge that imposter syndrome is a real thing and could be what’s getting in your way of showing the world all your magnificence. Start to reframe your thoughts. The Nix Negative Thinking guide can help with this. Remember that you're not alone in feeling this way, and many successful people have faced similar doubts. When that doubt kicks in lean into self-love and self-kindness. You may want to download this free guide Shut Down You Inner Mean Girl which provides 7 easy ways to shut down the voice that tells you, you aren’t enough. Highly recommend you keep a record of your achievements and any positive feedback you have received. Write that stuff down, keep it handy and look at when you need to be reminded of your competence and accomplishments.
Embracing Failure
Fear of failure can stop all of us from taking risks and going after big or small dreams. This fear often comes from societal pressures that tell us we need to be a certain way, accomplish certain things and fit nicely into a box that is much too small for our real desires. When we don’t fit in that box we feel like we failed and it also creates fear in us that if we failed at what society expected how in the heck can we succeed at what really matters to us. Let’s not forget the big bad fear of judgment that would haunt us down if we fail at any aspect or part of our life.
Solution: What happens when we change our perspective on failure? How much better does it feel when we recognize failure is not the end but rather a stepping stone to success. My Dad used to say “why do you keep falling in the water (doing things your way) when I have laid out the lily pads for your success”? My response was, “because that’s the only way I can learn for myself”. What made him successful and the path he followed (jumping from one lily pad to the next) was not necessarily going to be the right path for me. I did follow much of what he said (good girl syndrome) but, I also took a lot of left turns off of very steep cliffs. I am glad I did as I am wiser and happier for it. Focus on your efforts rather than outcomes, and see mistakes as opportunities for growth. There is an opportunity and silver lining in every stumble and tumble.
Prioritizing Self-Care
Are you guilty of pouring from an empty cup? We often put others' needs ahead of our own despite how tired, worn out and run down we are feeling. This constant doing and showing up for everyone but ourselves can lead to burnout, resentment, and decreased life satisfaction. Not a ton of fun, for you or the people around you. Cause, guess what that exhaustion you feel deep in your soul radiates an energy that is not warm and fuzzy. Nobody wants to be around that, not even you.
Solution: Make self-care an essential part of your daily routine. It can be simple changes to your routine that give you space to breathe. Get clear on your needs and set boundaries, say no when necessary, and make time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Remember, taking care of yourself enables you to better care for others. If you need inspiration here are a few blog posts you might enjoy.
Self-Care Quotes for Inspiration
5 Reasons Why Loving Yourself is Important
Reducing Comparison and Competition
Now this may seem obvious, but we might need a reminder that scrolling Facebook and constantly comparing ourselves to others feels gross. It feels especially gross when the comparison is with someone we don’t even know. I’m guilty and I am also guilty of feeling competitive with people totally out of my league. Can you relate? Healthy competition that feels motivating and positive is awesome. But comparison and unhealthy competition can lead to feelings of inadequacy and jealousy.
Solution: Our society places a lot of focus on external validation, yet if so many of us are spun up in our own world of worry is external validation even valid? Every person's journey is unique, and comparison often leads to unproductive feelings. Instead, celebrate the successes of others and use it as inspiration while you support their growth. Then look in the mirror and love the heck out of the person staring back at you. The key to feeling good is self-acceptance. Learn to like yourself and the world is your oyster.
Conclusion
You have the power to overcome self-sabotage and thrive on your own terms! This is your life and you are in charge. Self-sabotage is something we can all overcome with focused attention on the things that really matter in life. Spend more time on positive self-talk, praise your progress toward a goal even when you experience a set-back, reframe your thinking around imposter syndrome, accept failure as an opportunity for further expansion and fill your cup first with a focus on self-care, and always walk away from unfriendly competition and comparison.
Your time is now to overcome self-sabotage and thrive. Make small changes daily, stay consistent and soon you will be making your way over the hill of self-sabotage and beginning to THRIVE.
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