Gracefully Releasing a Relationship

Sometimes you have to release a relationship; whether that be a friendship, a romantic partner, a family member or even a co-worker. This is especially important when you are no longer being or feeling respected.

This is my story of having to release a relationship that was important to me.

We were "Mommy & Me" friends, we spent mornings together drinking coffee and afternoons sipping wine. We shared triumphs and disappointments.

We supported one another through our divorces and always had the best time when we were together.

You know those friends that you laugh just as easily as you can cry when you are with them. I thought we had something special.

We did, until we didn't.

I'm not sure exactly when things starting changing. I did notice longer pauses between our conversations. There were fewer opportunities to get together and her life was always so busy.

Normal stuff, right? But then there were phone calls with major meltdowns and me holding space for her with little opportunity to share about my own life.

While I felt disappointed I clung to the friendship I remembered and believed we would get back to the joyful space we once shared.

I thought this past weekend was finally our chance to reconnect. After radio silence during much of Covid I saw her post a beautiful photo from her backyard and commented, "How does one get invited"? I hadn't seen the new home she and her partner purchased 2 years ago.

She immediately responded and we were making plans for a Friday night visit. She invited me for a glass wine and to spend the night. We would catch up, facetime old neighborhood friends and in the morning before I drove back home we would walk her dog.

To say I was excited was an understatement. Thrilled. I couldn't wait to spend time with someone that meant so much to me.

Then the first text came soon after we committed to our plans: "Just a reality check our house is not as nice as yours" "Stop it, I am so excited to see you"

Then a beautiful photo of her back yard: "That is so beautiful. I am so excited" "Our house is just not that impressive" "It's not the home its the people that live there"

These comments made me wonder what was really going on, but I dismissed them. Surely she couldn't think I was only coming to make a judgement about her home. I just wanted to see her and have "girl time".

I texted her Friday afternoon and wrote: "So excited to see you" "Same"

When I arrived at her house after driving 2.5 hours the house was dark except for a porch light. Strange. I called her. I texted her. No answer.

I got back in my car and while my heart ached I realized our friendship had run its course.

Not only did she not respect me, she didn't respect herself enough to be honest about her feelings.

I am disappointed, but not hurt.

I have the tools and love myself deeply enough to know that when one door closes or in this case when one friendship ends another begins.

She texted me at 12:49 am: "Ugh I dropped my phone at game, just got it back, I'm sorry"

This morning I sat with that message. How would I respond? Would I accept that or was it time to release a friendship that no longer existed.

I responded: "Misplacing your phone doesn't explain why you weren't home when I arrived. It was disappointing as I was really looking forward to seeing you. Not sure what actually came up for you, but the message was clear our friendship is not a priority"

Please believe someone when they show you who they are and value yourself enough to know when it is time to release a relationship that doesn't provide the same respect you were willing to give the relationship.

A few years ago this would have ended very differently.

Actually, a few years ago it wouldn't have ended.

I would have spent hours wondering what happened, what did I do wrong, what didn't I do...? The mind chatter would have been unbearable.

I would have clung to the friendship and gone back over and over again trying to make it work.

The gift of mindset work, self-love, confidence and coaching have provided me the belief that I am enough.

I now recognize that another persons actions are not about me, but all about them.

I love myself too much to allow myself to be so clearly disrespected.

If you find yourself in a relationship that feels one-sided or strained it may be time to take a closer look at what’s really going on.

Here are a few ideas to help you through this process:

• Take time to have an honest conversation with the other person

• Recognize that sometimes the people in a relationship grow apart and that is okay

• Feeling hurt or disappointed is natural, allow yourself to feel your feelings

• Find support through a trusted source; family, another friend or coach

• Love yourself deeply

Say YES to loving yourself.